She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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