I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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