Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
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when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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