well you can't waste a boner
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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