I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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