her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just google imaged poop.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize