11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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