but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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