Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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