Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
God I need to hump something, right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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