before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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