you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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