Your tits are I can't wait for
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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