Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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