There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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