the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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