My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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