The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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