can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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