I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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