i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize