I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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