i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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