Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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