Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know her cup size but not her name....
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