My girlfriend figured out who you are.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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