I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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