I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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