just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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