I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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