It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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