The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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