I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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