I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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