I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize