my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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