Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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