i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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