Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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