Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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