He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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