then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't put those talents on a resume
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize