Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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