So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
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gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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