Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize