i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize