i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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