Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize