mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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