We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize